Keeper of the Flame

What a busy weekend! I took a spur-of-the-moment trip to San Antonio to visit my sister-in-law and her boyfriend on Friday since my husband had to work on Saturday. I was a much needed reunion and we enjoyed hanging out. Our night consisted of grilling, drinking wine, sitting around a fire, music, and hookah... such a great combo! Of course, I took a much needed Starbucks run the next morning since there was one located only 5 miles down the road... 5 miles people! (you have no idea how exiting that is for me, considering the closest one to home is 45 minutes away... so I revere Starbucks as a treat!) We lounged around and I worked on homework on Saturday while watching "Jurassic Park" in between, before later reuniting with my husband that evening in Startzville, TX near Canyon Lake. We wanted to stay in the log cabin we ran away to after our wedding, but it was booked. This turned out to our advantage because we ended up staying in another cabin on the same property called the "Tiny Texas House." The name suits it, but we didn't mind being close... considering we haven't seen much of each other lately. It had its own private hot tub in the back and a loft-style area for the bedroom... which sort-of reminds you of a tree-house or fort from your childhood. We relaxed in the hot tub with the glow of a fire and looked up at the stars. It was just what we needed in order to have some quality time alone together before having to go our separate ways again on Sunday (this property is quickly turning into our go-to getaway destination). Before parting, we met up with his aunt and cousins for some yummy BBQ at Cooper's in New Braunfels, and then we walked around Gruene (one of my most favorite little towns) to try and take in as much of the day together as we could. I made it back home late this afternoon and did some more homework, then headed over to our friends' house down the road for some more grilling and campfire action (a fire three nights in a row? I'm in heaven). I know a play-by-play of what I did this weekend isn't really very exciting, but I'm way too tired to come up with something inspirational or witty... so you just get boring details and pictures instead. Sorry to disappoint... now please enjoy my photos, provided for your viewing pleasure.

Sunset on the road to San Antonio in Gonzales, TX

 Awesome clouds in Shiner, TX

 

Our crows-nest love-nest

 

 Brandon's cousin, Cassidy, giving him a wet-wipe bath (he probably needed it)

So that is what my weekend consisted of. I'm hoping that as I go along and keep up with this blog that it will inspire me to come up with some thoughtful things to say... but for right now, this virtual version of a journal is going to have to suffice. Until I become inspired...  enjoy my meaningless babble, my apologies in advance. :)

Detox: Day One

Who knew giving up a facebook addiction could be so stinkin' HARD?! It's pitiful, I know. I woke up this morning, and in my half-awake stooper, grabbed my phone and was milliseconds away from clicking that little blue square. Seriously, it's the first thing you do when you wake up, Emily? Yup, can't lie to myself this time. There's no escaping it. And of course, to make matters worse, my husband has been staying away for work a lot... which leaves me plenty of time at home alone with the temptation of boredom (don't tell him I told you, because you might be the boogey-man and come hide under my bed or in my closet and wait until I'm asleep to do crazy stalker things to me). And you know what your mamma taught you about an "idle mind"! But, like they say at AA, "One day at a time." Hey, don't judge, this can be a disease too. I call it "facebookitis", or "chronic social networkatrophy"... no no no, "acute postingmegaly". Okay, okay. I'm done.

Anyways, other than making my strong presence known on pinterest, I have decided that every time I find myself wanting to post something totally useless on facebook, I will take a picture and waste your time with it instead. LUCKY YOU! Please enjoy my desperate attempts to distract myself from my moments of "delirium tremens." (oh, just go Google it, you know it's going to bug you.)

Commence Day One of Operation: Misery Loves Company

(Please feel free to click on the photos so you may see them in all their glory.)



I was feeling rather nostalgic for my beloved Houston Rodeo this morning, so I dressed for the occasion and took a commemorative photo while at my desk at work... I know, don't you wish you were as cool as me? Sometimes I'm jealous of myself.

Part of my lunch: apples, fat free cottage cheese, and crushed flax seed. Sounds gross, tastes amazing.

The other half of my luch that I thought was so interesting, I must share it with my avid readers (all three of you). It's a "salad in a jar", look it up on pinterest if you don't know what it is (awesome idea!). I high-jacked this from a coworker, and it's her homemade dressing consiting of EVOO, white vinegar, honey, and stone ground mustard seed. SO GOOD!

Went to my first Gobbler baseball game of the season to watch my #5!

And that concludes day one! Aren't you glad you wasted your time reading that?... I know I enjoyed sharing it with you. Thank you, come again.

P.S. Just in case you ARE the boogey-man, please be aware that I sleep with a S&W .38 Special within arms reach, and I check under the bed. :D

giving up the guilty pleasure

Every year I toil and torment myself over what I should give up for lent. Most of the time, whatever it is I choose doesn't last very long. Occasionally, I'll use it as an excuse to get serious about my New Years Resolution that had, so far, been failing miserably. More often than not, I end up making such a huge deal about what it is I want to "sacrifice" in my mind that I end up giving up before ever going through with it in the first place. Why do I do this to myself? It should be an easy choice to make: give up something that you know you can live without, but simply don't want to.

I had to be brutally honest with myself... what do I depend on as a crutch to get me through the day, when I could be spending my time much more wisely? This year, that "thing" I have come to terms with is my inability to go 30 minutes without checking facebook. Sad, right?

Those of you who know me know I'm not a "super religious" person. However, I do consider myself spiritual, and have felt the lack-there-of in my life lately. So, I'm challenging myself to stay off facebook for the 40 days of lent. Yes, this is a spiritually motivated decision... but I think it has the potential of affecting other aspects of my life:

1. My marriage: Instead of getting into bed and grabbing my phone to "check up" on what Sally had for dinner, I could have a conversation with my husband. It's pretty pitiful when your pillow-talk consists of sitting side-by-side with your mobile devices in hand.

2. My education: Taking four classes online with a full-time job and brand new marriage is very challenging. Throw in a facebook addiction and you tend to be very counterproductive.

3. My job: Do I really need to elaborate? We all know how often we check our fb apps on our phone... Multiply that by 10 for me.

4. My relationships: Ever had that conversation with your friend or family member and they are offended that you didn't tell them something rather important about yourself that recently happened, and you follow by saying, "Well I posted it on facebook, you didn't see?" Woops.You mean you wanted me to, like, CALL you? But that's so much work! I rest my case.

5. My hobbies: There are so many things I would love to start doing with my spare time (because I'm just swimming in it); and giving up facebook will force me to explore other avenues to inspire my creative side and help me to feel connected with the outside world. Like this blog for example... maybe I'll use this as an opportunity to take more time for myself to write... hmmmm, I might be on to something here!

There you have it, I've talked myself into this! Wish me luck!

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crazy until proven sane

Maybe I'm a romantic, but aren't some of the most important and valued things in life began by taking a huge risk first? One of my favorite quotes right now is, "The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." If we are constantly fearing the worst and not willing to take a chance for something we view as important, then when does life begin? Where is people's faith? Why is it that when someone takes a huge risk for something they truly believe in, they are considered stupid first... and then later, if it works out after all, they're considered brave or wise? Crazy until proven sane.

There are no guarantees in this worldly life. The only thing we can be certain of is that things will always change. So, the only way we can lead our lives is with the faith that we are being guided, trust our judgment, and have the ability to allow it to happen. It doesn't always have to make sense to everyone else, you just have to know in your heart, mind, and spirit that it's right. I know, easier said than done. But if you have doubt, use that as a tool to evaluate your decision more carefully and take the next step towards your goal. Don't let the cloud of uncertainty run you; break it down, own it, and move forward.

I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, Albert Einstein. So don't be discouraged when your attempt fails. Get up, approach it differently, and keep trying until you succeed. To everyone else, you may look insane. But to the few and far between that are committed enough to stand behind you, you are simply genius for seeing through the fog of ignorance to the other side. I say, those who doubt are simply ignorant until proven crazy enough to try.

Let's get crazy.

it's not me, it's you

My parents always taught me growing up, “When you point your finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself.” I know that sounds silly, but it’s a simplistic thing everyone could benefit from applying to their daily lives. If we would each put as much energy in evaluating our own actions and lifestyles as we do on scrutinizing the other, we would be in a much better place regarding our personal relationships. Instead of constantly blaming the other for everything and trying to find reasons why they’re wrong, why can’t we genuinely look at what we ourselves are doing wrong FIRST and be humbled by our own mistakes? Think of your thought process when you get frustrated about something concerning others: what’s the first noun that pops into your head… “I” or “you”? We all play the blame game, but aren't we tired of running in circles? Let’s be grown-ups here. We’re ALL wrong, we ALL have things we need to work on, we ALL have to compromise, and we ALL are unhealthy.

Today I was walking through ICU after dropping off some reports and I happened to catch a glimpse of a family member standing over her loved one’s hospital bed. The look of despair and anguish on her face humbled my heart and hurt my spirit. Here is someone going through an indescribable amount of pain, possibly about to lose someone close to them… and here we are taking the other for granted and saying hurtful things. What are we doing? We are young, resilient, healthy adults with our whole lives ahead of us and the world at our feet… and we’re acting like it’s the end of the world because things aren’t going the way we want. How crazy is that? At least we’re not in that hospital bed, gazing up into the other’s eyes, wishing we had done all those things we should have, and had not said all the things we can’t take back. Today is a blessing and we are each other’s gifts, let’s start acting like it.

Our Beloved

It’s been a year
but still seems like only yesterday,
I stood next to her sobbing
while they took you away.

I held her hand,
she cried on my shoulder.
I tried to stay strong
but felt tormented it was over.

One day she’s making plans,
looking towards your bright future.
The next she’s laying her love in the ground,
wondering why God has put her through this torture.

We stared blankly,
empty inside,
while they covered you with the earth
and she was forced to say her last goodbye.

You were her ground.
You kept her steady.
But with one instance I watched her start floating,
wondering if she’ll ever be ready.

Why did you leave us?
She still needs you.
Life can be so unfair,
You still had work to do.

I pass by the house,
it’s still so fresh.
The memories are still roaming,
as if you never left.

I stand here now
staring at your stone.
I’m a different person because of you,
and in that, I know I’m not alone.

The wounds have closed,
the scars are healing.
But I know I’ll never be able to hear your name
without getting that feeling.

She loved and she lost.
She smiled through the pain.
You’d be so proud of her.
Your love was not in vain.

We know we’ll see you again someday,
when the weight of this world lets us go.
So with that, I’ll end by saying,
“See ya in a day or so.”

In memory of my mom's late fiance', Donald Brown

"You Take the High Road"

As children, we're taught the difference between right and wrong. As teenagers, we learn how far we can push the limits between the two. And as adults, we learn the right thing is usually the hardest to do, but that the benefits are worth it. So why through all this growing up and experience do we still choose to do the wrong thing? It's simple: because the low road is easier, and has instant gratification. But what happens when you reach your destination and turn around to look at your journey? Will you be proud of what you've accomplished? Or ashamed of how you got there? Because as we all know, it's not about the destination, but the journey. Some may think it doesn't matter how you got there, but simply that you did... but anyone who's been tested knows the truth. And what is the goal I'm talking about? Happiness. Fulfillment. Satisfaction.

A friend of mine shared this quote and it really spoke to me: "Choosing God, choosing life, choosing love - these are way harder than choosing misery. We love our lazy lunacy. We are addicted to it. The world of our modern culture is built to keep us there. But love awaits, and love always wins, and we get to receive it if we are willing to open our hands and hearts and let go." That is the raw truth in print. People would rather be lazy and miserable than take a challenge to be happy. Who said happiness comes easy? But the journey and obstacles you overcome are what make it so great when you finally get there. You just have to be willing to open up and put the work in.

Currently in my life there are people that are choosing the easy way out. I don't expect perfection, and no one is a saint; but I do wish to stick to my personal values. And part of that is choosing what you subject yourself to. If you're constantly accepting things you don't agree with, you end up desensitizing yourself and compromising your integrity. And before you know it, you're going down the wrong road right there with them. Part of doing the right thing is making the hard decision of not associating with the people that bring you down. You're not judging them, you're just making a decision to stick to your morals and not tempt yourself by being around the sin. "You are who you hang with."

The high road may be lonely; but at least I'll know my destination was worth the journey, and that I took the right road to get there.